There is no deep meaning behind this piece. I had to write a 10 minute play for school, and this is what my somewhat warped brain came up with. It made my family laugh, primarily because they maintain I *nail* my dogs ‘voices’.
(The curtain rises on a nearly empty stage. The only things visible are a reddish-brown boxer-bull mastiff, a pork loin, and a black Great Dane.)
Macky: (the boxer, his voice rough and gravelly) I’m the oldest, I should get it.
Bean: (the young Dane) I’m tallest. Besides, you ate the last one!
Macky: (shakes his head) No, I’m pretty sure that was you.
Bean: I was framed!
Macky: How could I frame you? You’re faster, taller and the perfect idio…I mean the perfect, uh, height!
(Bean bares his teeth): I knew there was a reason I couldn’t trust you! You set me up! Do you know what they did to me?? I had to eat half rations for a whole day!
Macky: (sneezing) You’re not starving! Now hand over the loin.
(Macky inches forward, head down.)
(Bean shakes his head. Strings of slobber fly everywhere.) Not a chance! I got this fair and square, off the kitchen table. Find your own food!
Macky: (whining) But my food is crunchy and my teeth are broken. That loin looks soft and squishy.
Bean: Too bad. It’s mine.
Macky: When did you get so mean?
Bean (growls briefly) When I learned you framed me! Why would you do that? I thought we were friends!
Macky: Friends? We’re not friends. You bark at me when I lay on your blanket, or in the hallway, or when I lie down outside! You’re a pest of epic proportions!
(Bean’s ears go back against his head): So…you really don’t like me?
Macky (ears perk): I’d like you better if you’d share that loin…
Bean: I knew it! (pushes the loin back between his paws with his muzzle)
Macky: It’s huge! There’s more than enough for both of us!
Bean (blinking slowly): I think your brain is fried. I’m 145 lbs, Mac. I heard them say so. This loin is barely a treat.
Macky (a single string of drool falling to the floor): Then there’s no reason for you to eat it in the first place. Besides… it’ll probably upset your stomach, anyway.
Bean: What do you mean? My stomach’s fine.
Macky (sneezing again): Then your nose doesn’t work properly, ‘cause those after dinner plates you get to lick make you *stink*.
Bean (getting defensive): And when’s the last time you got a bath??
Macky: They don’t need to bathe me as much ‘cause I don’t have fleas.
Bean: Yeah. Right. The fleas only like me. That’s why you scratch all the time.
Macky: You’re getting off point. Now…what about that loin?
Bean (looking innocent): What about it?
Macky (sighs): Share the pork, B.
Bean: But…it’s mine. I earned it.
Macky: You earned the pork? Are you telling me they wouldn’t be mad if they knew you’d swiped it?
Bean (ears down): Well…
Macky: You know they’ll know it’s you. Dog, you’re the only one here tall enough to snag it.
Bean: Now I know that’s not true. I overheard them once talking and laughing about the time you ate an entire five pounder! All by yourself! And that was before I even arrived!
Macky (shifting from paw to paw): That was a long time ago. I’m older now.
Bean: But not particularly wiser, since you’re willing to try it again.
Macky: If we split it, it’ll be 2.5 lbs apiece. That wouldn’t be nearly as painful as the 5 lbs was.
Bean (licking his muzzle): If I do this, I can’t be the only one taking the blame. You have to take your fair share, too.
Macky: Oh, I’ll take my fair share, all right.
Bean: Of the blame, not just the loin!
Macky (eyeing the pork): Yeah, right. The blame. Of course.
Bean: How’re we gonna split it in half? It’s not like we have hands.
Macky: I could always eat my half first, then give you the other half.
(Bean shakes his head): Nuh-uh. I’m not stupid. You’ll eat it all!
Macky: I wouldn’t do that…
Bean: Oh yes, you would. I’ve seen how you eat; like it’s the end of the world and they’ll never feed you again! You don’t take your time to actually enjoy the flavors. You guzzle.
Macky: It’s not my fault! You’d eat like that too if you’d been raised the way I was! You got lucky. They rescued you as a puppy. I was already full grown. My eating habits were set.
Bean: That’s an excuse. I know your food was stolen when you were a pup, but who’s gonna take it now? Me? I can’t reach your bowl; it’s too low to the ground! Nah, I think you just like eating.
Macky (defensive): So I like food, so what?
Bean: So that might explain why you look like a sausage with legs.
(Macky growls): I do not!
Bean: Well, maybe not exactly like that, but you’re not skinny, either.
Macky: Moron. Do you even remember what breeds I am? I’m naturally muscular.
Bean: Why’re we fighting again?
Macky: Look down.
Bean: Oh yeah. The pork.
Macky: If you don’t eat it, they’ll find it and then you’ll really be in trouble. With nothing to show for it.
Bean: Isn’t that the point? To have nothing to show them?
Macky (shakes his head): I guess you’re not as stupid as I thought.
Bean: Gee, thanks. Does this mean we can be friends?
Macky: I dunno. Does this mean you’ll stop barking at me incessantly?
Bean: You deserve it, you know. You lie on my blankie, you sleep in the middle of the hall and then you take naps right outside the dog door.
Macky: You remember that you’re tall, right? You can step right over me, no problem. You have two blankies. I don’t see why I can’t have one. You’re younger than I am. My bones ache at night. I need the extra comfort.
Bean: I guess…but that doesn’t explain the dog door.
Macky: I like keeping my options open. If I sleep there, then decide I need to go back inside for anything, I don’t have that far to walk.
Bean: But I can’t go outside to pee!
Macky: You’re not a puppy. You can hold it.
Bean: That’s not the point. I shouldn’t have to hold it! That’s why they installed the dog door in the first place! So we could pee whenever we need to!
Macky: Fine. If you share the loin with me, I promise not to sleep directly in front of the dog door. Does that sound fair enough?
Bean (backing away from the loin): That sounds good. Now, how’re we gonna split this in half again?
(The curtain drops on the two dogs, still staring at the 5 lb pork loin in the center of the stage.)