I am who I am.

I’m done with the pretense.

 

I’m what I thought was middle aged when I was young. My house will never look like something out of Homes and Gardens. Neither will my yard. My couch holds more laundry than it does visitors. I’m the proud owner of messy dogs, and messier kids. If I’m not writing stories, I’m reading them. I proudly home school. Some days are better than others. It’s not a life tied up with a neat red bow. I struggle constantly with finances and self doubt. My husband works 10+ hours 6 days a week. His commute is an hour one way. We’re a single car family, which means the kids and I are confined to our house around 85-90 % of the time. And I have too much internal pride to ask my friends if they can come get us and take us out. I wait for someone to volunteer. I’m also in my first year/first term of college. Which means my stress levels are through the roof most days.

I’m not saying it’s a bad life. Not at all. I know I’m blessed.

 

But there are days I have to remind myself that the outside ‘surface’ stuff is just that. Surface stuff. In the length and breadth of life, does it really matter that my dogs sleep on the couch, I shop at thrift stores or I look forward to our income tax refund because that means I can fully stock my freezer with meats and pay off bills?

 

Not really.

 

Because, even with all the stress, I’m happy with who I am. Wife, mother, writer, and friend.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “I am who I am.

  1. Laura Ratzlaff

    Love, love love this!!! Very well said, my twin.
    I don’t know one person who is perfect, and yet we all strive for it every day, in all aspects of our lives. It is my hope that I can one day learn to let go at least some of my goals, and just learn to relax.
    I feel like I’m always waiting for that quick fix, the next thing that will make it all better…that if I just had a bigger house, or more money, that I would finally be happy.
    But as you get older, and you realize that you’ve surpassed most of those hurdles and nothing got any better, it is time to just let go…and be who you are wherever you are, and be damn proud of it.
    I thank you for the reminder. 🙂

  2. Many times, I have questioned myself about, why I like Harry Potter so much! Until one day I realized that I am escaping from who I am into a completely different world. When life bogged me down, I read that book or watched that movie. I don’t remember the number of times I have re-read it or seen those movies.

    The day I realized that those problems await me to come and face them, after my little escapade into Harry Potter’s world was over, I stopped reading those books and I started being me!!

    Well written. Loved it!

    • I’ve struggled with this for years, and finally just decided “You know what? It’s not worth it. It’s okay to be exactly who I am.”
      Good for you for coming to that conclusion, too! Yay, us! 🙂

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